Thank you for sharing this. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and music is and has always been our primary connection. Maybe it is appropriate that a father and son must first bond through a medium that is not dependent on language and let the words come later.
Actually, movies was the first art form that we indulged in and connected over. The music thing was I don't like yours, and you don't like mine but now we have the jazz bridge to connect our boroughs. But yeah, words from the heart take a while.
The only guaranty fatherhood comes with is that we won't get it right, and that our regrets are all earned... but we keep trying... or at least good dads do. With you on that...
"He was raised in a house with dark secrets. Bad shit going down behind the bathroom door. He wasn’t using old syringes as toys or being babysat by the dealer, but his young, delicate psyche was exposed to a lot of bad juju."
Just discovered your writing - this excerpt, especially, is jazzzzz!! Scene SET. Happily subscribed & looking forward to more!
I saw this and your note. You're catching it. What I'm trying for-- Flow and meaning joined as one. Form and improvisation on top of it. Or as you said. Jazz.
The urge to come in and "Save" them is almost overwhelming at some times. The fact is, most of the time, their existence is what saves us. I really like that quote from the AA girl. Thank you for sharing this bit of reality and wisdom.
"by simply being there and allowing myself to be vulnerable, good things started to happen."—This is a wonderful line that well encompasses how things can start to improve when we share our emotions! They are never anything to be ashamed of, and can often bring us closer together!
This is a very introspective and honest piece; thanks for sharing!
It's so not your story, and yet, I guess it gets to something universal, which is that we will damage our sons in certain ways and it is their job to kill the father and individuate eventually. Hopefully it can done without it getting too bloody. But you laying good some good ground work, brother, and I know because I read about it.
I hesitate to chime in on such a lovely and excruciating post, in part because I don't really get the deal with "comments" which seem to have been invented by and for the internet. Do people yell comments at the end of a play, or in a museum when they see a painting, so why on internet platforms? I do not know but I like reading comments, maybe we should put out big pads of paper, sharpies and comments easels in museums - anyway, here's mine: I can almost imagine a world in which when people turn 18 they are required to have tattooed on their forearms: “The one thing we are all entitled to is the dignity of our own experience” to remind ourselves when we go off course. The amount of wisdom in those rooms cannot be overstated.
Thank you so much for this post, Tommy. I am going to take a chance and forward it to my nephew and his mom. They are estranged and my sister has forbiddened me to mention him to her, but your journey will resonate with both of them I am sure. So I'm going to take a chance and send it to both of them so they will at least have each other's email. I may catch hell for it, but I will still be indebted to you for that opportunity.
Thank you for sharing this. My dad is a recovering alcoholic and music is and has always been our primary connection. Maybe it is appropriate that a father and son must first bond through a medium that is not dependent on language and let the words come later.
Actually, movies was the first art form that we indulged in and connected over. The music thing was I don't like yours, and you don't like mine but now we have the jazz bridge to connect our boroughs. But yeah, words from the heart take a while.
The only guaranty fatherhood comes with is that we won't get it right, and that our regrets are all earned... but we keep trying... or at least good dads do. With you on that...
It's a noble slog. I was a mystery to mystery to myself so who could I not be a mystery to him.
Felt this.
So honest and beautifully written.
Thank you Angela C
"He was raised in a house with dark secrets. Bad shit going down behind the bathroom door. He wasn’t using old syringes as toys or being babysat by the dealer, but his young, delicate psyche was exposed to a lot of bad juju."
Just discovered your writing - this excerpt, especially, is jazzzzz!! Scene SET. Happily subscribed & looking forward to more!
I saw this and your note. You're catching it. What I'm trying for-- Flow and meaning joined as one. Form and improvisation on top of it. Or as you said. Jazz.
From Tom to Tom glad you're reading.
From Tom to Tom, let’s go. Hahaha
The urge to come in and "Save" them is almost overwhelming at some times. The fact is, most of the time, their existence is what saves us. I really like that quote from the AA girl. Thank you for sharing this bit of reality and wisdom.
Glad you caught that one, Fixity
"by simply being there and allowing myself to be vulnerable, good things started to happen."—This is a wonderful line that well encompasses how things can start to improve when we share our emotions! They are never anything to be ashamed of, and can often bring us closer together!
This is a very introspective and honest piece; thanks for sharing!
Agree. A lot of healing when you turn some light on the shadows
Laying down next to my young one reading this. The emotions. Thank you.
It's so not your story, and yet, I guess it gets to something universal, which is that we will damage our sons in certain ways and it is their job to kill the father and individuate eventually. Hopefully it can done without it getting too bloody. But you laying good some good ground work, brother, and I know because I read about it.
I hesitate to chime in on such a lovely and excruciating post, in part because I don't really get the deal with "comments" which seem to have been invented by and for the internet. Do people yell comments at the end of a play, or in a museum when they see a painting, so why on internet platforms? I do not know but I like reading comments, maybe we should put out big pads of paper, sharpies and comments easels in museums - anyway, here's mine: I can almost imagine a world in which when people turn 18 they are required to have tattooed on their forearms: “The one thing we are all entitled to is the dignity of our own experience” to remind ourselves when we go off course. The amount of wisdom in those rooms cannot be overstated.
Agree with all of it. Comment easels everywhere. Dear, Herman Melville, I really liked it but don't you think the whale should be black?
Incredibly moving and heartfelt…
Thank you so much for this post, Tommy. I am going to take a chance and forward it to my nephew and his mom. They are estranged and my sister has forbiddened me to mention him to her, but your journey will resonate with both of them I am sure. So I'm going to take a chance and send it to both of them so they will at least have each other's email. I may catch hell for it, but I will still be indebted to you for that opportunity.
Wow. Thank you for telling me, Kennon.
This is beautiful and important. Thank you so much.
Thank you, Christiana.
Wow, very touching. All best to you and Stanley!
Profound and brave. Coming full circle...Love this Tommy.
Thanks Pattie Lee
Beautiful post, Pops! - from a 1st-time father at age 69
Incredible. A business you should get into.
Touching. The path of healing. You’ve shared it beautifully.. just keep loving.
Just keep loving (even though things would be fine if they would just listen to you!) Always like your comments, Shaista
You blew me away with this!
Love.