I relate completely to this. Yes, being misunderstood is awful. Way worse than being disagreed with or ignored. It's a robbery of identity. As part of my job, a company my firm owned was sued and as part of a legal complaint, the lawyers for our adversary (Ford Motor) lied about what i had said. You can lie in a legal complaint using a few caveat words. I have never been so angry.
Well David, let us start by burying the hatchet, that long standing wound of you being from the east side of Central Park and me being from the west. Glad you related and read it.
“ Cause ‘I’m just a soul who’s intentions are good, Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood” a song written by Sol Marcus, Bennie Benjamin, Gloria Caldwell and Horace Ott and one of its performers the incomparable, Nina Simone and also the version by the Animals came immediately to my mind as I read your (UN) Bearable. Seeing myself in the scenario your writing brought before me. Thank you for this.
Love Nina and Eric B came to mind and that you credit the songwriters. This is substack after all. I used to perform my poems/songs with a great band and Nina's daughter Lisa was my back up singer, which I like to brag about whenever I get the chance. Glad you found your way tot he piece and to me, Ms Napoli.
Hard relate to this. I will sometimes replay over and over in my mind all the times I was so completely misunderstood and try to figure out how it happened and why and were they right? Did I actually do that? Say that? Am I that?
I have gotten better at not constantly ruminating, but sometimes when it's 3 am and my brain thinks I need a good talking to, it happens. What a relief to be able to put it down though, to not carry someone else's ideas of me. To know who I am and not allow someone else to dictate my sense of self. Grateful I'm not alone in this.
This feels like you got right up under it to see what was there: “I don't just feel separated from them, but from some original love source.” Really enjoyed this one.
It gets like that sometime. Guess we got to learn to be our own original love source. Glad you enjoyed that one, Stephanie S and that you're reading along.
All my life felt like a big misunderstanding so I “ hid” in my imaginary world of books, paints, make. They whispered and giggled when I was a kid and criticized as I grew. Now it seems whatever I express is always misunderstood and I live incc bc a constant state of trying to explain what I really meant!Does no one ever look deeper than the few words they imagine to mean something so simplistic? I relate totally to your state of being and mostly depend on poetry and painting to try expressing mine
We go to our art to make sense of what we can't make sense of in the world and to express ourselves/struggle with ourselves free of interference. Glad you found your way to the post Bette.
grew up strangely - in a sort of feral way.. It was really ‘what to do about us’ rather than ‘understanding us.. we were abandoned on Ward’s Island in toronto harbour.. & i has zero memory - was not yet two & my big sis was five.. I do figure those who assaulted me.. ‘misunderstood A Lot Of Things.. including me & other kids.. but by Grade 11.. & having needed two tries at Grade 6 ! I was finally ‘understood to be gifted athletically & not scholastically ! & thus allowed to play ‘organized sports for the first time.. instead of punished for whatever or seemingly forever.. By then i ‘understood it was unlikely I’d become the star goalie of the Toronto Maple Leafs..
Have become a big defender of ‘manner of speaking’ .. am pretty sure my Love misunderstands what I’m ‘saying about many things.. as so many are ‘just open thoughts or ‘blue skying.. funny thing i read.. BUT .. ‘words, phrase, context MATTER to me as well.. & i can be quite ‘specific at times.. lest there be ‘misunderstanding.. (there always is haha !).. will get back to ya.. it’s interesting ‘stuff..
I completely loath with every fiber of my being someone having a misrepresented understanding of who I am. I get it but for me I think it must be more of an attachment to my ego. "Don't you know who I think I am" kind of thing. I hate being underestimated. I know it's not exactly the same but it's in the ballpark and I feel it everyday at work, as if they knew the hopeless wretched, theiving, ridiculous gutter hype I once was. I know I am so much more now, I was then too I just didn't know it, but you did. Thank you.
"For the time being I gave up writing. There is already too much truth in the world – an overproduction which apparently cannot be consumed!" ~Otto Rank
“Even though it always holds true, people prove unable to understand the Logos, not even after they’ve been told about it." ~Heraclitus, 450 BC
“In [the Logos] was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light in the darkness shined; and the darkness comprehended it not.” (John 1:4-5)
"Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply [so as to _appear_ understanding]." ~Stephen A. Covey
"Why can’t you understand what I am saying? You can’t hear me [because] there is no truth in you. When you lie, you simply speak your native language." ~Jesus (John 8:43)
"The world is full of actors pretending to be human." ~J. D. Salinger
"All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players." ~William Shakespeare
"Men listen, nod in approval, and finally act as if they had heard nothing. Sometimes they even repeat what has been said to them. They repeat it continually, but they live and act as they please… Is it not strange?" ~Lev Shestov
"I am searching as Diogenes did with his lantern for all of these wonderful human beings. I haven't found them yet." ~Sergio Leone
"Misanthrope? I don't hate my fellow man! Not even when he's tiresome and surly and tries to cheat at poker. I figure that's just a human material, and him that finds in it a cause for anger and dismay is just a fool for expecting better." ~Buster Scruggs
"You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby... But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly." ~Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
The crisis of understanding became a signature of human civilization. It makes it rather unlikely for a person to master the art. So, in the end, very few people do.
“Wow. I'm getting giddy just thinking about it. About a world where I am able to tolerate the temporary pain of disconnect. A world where my emotional safety isn’t up for grabs every time I engage with passion or intent.” This sums up the work of most therapy more succinctly than most attempts. I’m stealing it. Thanks for this treasure.
I relate completely to this. Yes, being misunderstood is awful. Way worse than being disagreed with or ignored. It's a robbery of identity. As part of my job, a company my firm owned was sued and as part of a legal complaint, the lawyers for our adversary (Ford Motor) lied about what i had said. You can lie in a legal complaint using a few caveat words. I have never been so angry.
I'm somewhere on that road with you.
Well David, let us start by burying the hatchet, that long standing wound of you being from the east side of Central Park and me being from the west. Glad you related and read it.
Hatchet buried!
In any case, i have a mixed marriage in that my wife identifies, strongly, as a west sider.
“ Cause ‘I’m just a soul who’s intentions are good, Oh Lord, please don’t let me be misunderstood” a song written by Sol Marcus, Bennie Benjamin, Gloria Caldwell and Horace Ott and one of its performers the incomparable, Nina Simone and also the version by the Animals came immediately to my mind as I read your (UN) Bearable. Seeing myself in the scenario your writing brought before me. Thank you for this.
Love Nina and Eric B came to mind and that you credit the songwriters. This is substack after all. I used to perform my poems/songs with a great band and Nina's daughter Lisa was my back up singer, which I like to brag about whenever I get the chance. Glad you found your way tot he piece and to me, Ms Napoli.
Hard relate to this. I will sometimes replay over and over in my mind all the times I was so completely misunderstood and try to figure out how it happened and why and were they right? Did I actually do that? Say that? Am I that?
I have gotten better at not constantly ruminating, but sometimes when it's 3 am and my brain thinks I need a good talking to, it happens. What a relief to be able to put it down though, to not carry someone else's ideas of me. To know who I am and not allow someone else to dictate my sense of self. Grateful I'm not alone in this.
You are not alone Mesa Fema, and definitely not in that.
Thanks Tommy 🤗
This feels like you got right up under it to see what was there: “I don't just feel separated from them, but from some original love source.” Really enjoyed this one.
It gets like that sometime. Guess we got to learn to be our own original love source. Glad you enjoyed that one, Stephanie S and that you're reading along.
I can empathize, probably why this has always been one of my favorite songs https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_2sz_YwwwQ4
All my life felt like a big misunderstanding so I “ hid” in my imaginary world of books, paints, make. They whispered and giggled when I was a kid and criticized as I grew. Now it seems whatever I express is always misunderstood and I live incc bc a constant state of trying to explain what I really meant!Does no one ever look deeper than the few words they imagine to mean something so simplistic? I relate totally to your state of being and mostly depend on poetry and painting to try expressing mine
We go to our art to make sense of what we can't make sense of in the world and to express ourselves/struggle with ourselves free of interference. Glad you found your way to the post Bette.
grew up strangely - in a sort of feral way.. It was really ‘what to do about us’ rather than ‘understanding us.. we were abandoned on Ward’s Island in toronto harbour.. & i has zero memory - was not yet two & my big sis was five.. I do figure those who assaulted me.. ‘misunderstood A Lot Of Things.. including me & other kids.. but by Grade 11.. & having needed two tries at Grade 6 ! I was finally ‘understood to be gifted athletically & not scholastically ! & thus allowed to play ‘organized sports for the first time.. instead of punished for whatever or seemingly forever.. By then i ‘understood it was unlikely I’d become the star goalie of the Toronto Maple Leafs..
Have become a big defender of ‘manner of speaking’ .. am pretty sure my Love misunderstands what I’m ‘saying about many things.. as so many are ‘just open thoughts or ‘blue skying.. funny thing i read.. BUT .. ‘words, phrase, context MATTER to me as well.. & i can be quite ‘specific at times.. lest there be ‘misunderstanding.. (there always is haha !).. will get back to ya.. it’s interesting ‘stuff..
I completely loath with every fiber of my being someone having a misrepresented understanding of who I am. I get it but for me I think it must be more of an attachment to my ego. "Don't you know who I think I am" kind of thing. I hate being underestimated. I know it's not exactly the same but it's in the ballpark and I feel it everyday at work, as if they knew the hopeless wretched, theiving, ridiculous gutter hype I once was. I know I am so much more now, I was then too I just didn't know it, but you did. Thank you.
"For the time being I gave up writing. There is already too much truth in the world – an overproduction which apparently cannot be consumed!" ~Otto Rank
“Even though it always holds true, people prove unable to understand the Logos, not even after they’ve been told about it." ~Heraclitus, 450 BC
“In [the Logos] was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light in the darkness shined; and the darkness comprehended it not.” (John 1:4-5)
"Most people don’t listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply [so as to _appear_ understanding]." ~Stephen A. Covey
"Why can’t you understand what I am saying? You can’t hear me [because] there is no truth in you. When you lie, you simply speak your native language." ~Jesus (John 8:43)
"The world is full of actors pretending to be human." ~J. D. Salinger
"All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players." ~William Shakespeare
"Men listen, nod in approval, and finally act as if they had heard nothing. Sometimes they even repeat what has been said to them. They repeat it continually, but they live and act as they please… Is it not strange?" ~Lev Shestov
"I am searching as Diogenes did with his lantern for all of these wonderful human beings. I haven't found them yet." ~Sergio Leone
"Misanthrope? I don't hate my fellow man! Not even when he's tiresome and surly and tries to cheat at poker. I figure that's just a human material, and him that finds in it a cause for anger and dismay is just a fool for expecting better." ~Buster Scruggs
"You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby... But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly." ~Margery Williams, The Velveteen Rabbit
The crisis of understanding became a signature of human civilization. It makes it rather unlikely for a person to master the art. So, in the end, very few people do.
“Wow. I'm getting giddy just thinking about it. About a world where I am able to tolerate the temporary pain of disconnect. A world where my emotional safety isn’t up for grabs every time I engage with passion or intent.” This sums up the work of most therapy more succinctly than most attempts. I’m stealing it. Thanks for this treasure.